As the title states, I experienced what I would call a “defining moment” yesterday.  It’s not really a defining moment for me, per se, but it’s a moment I’ve felt might come soon. It’s moreso a defining moment for our country…sort of.  You know how almost everywhere you go, signs and posters and labels read with English on top in large letters and Spanish beneath in smaller letters?  Like at the airport – RESTROOMS/Los Banos.  Well, yesterday I went to Kroger.  I was in the shampoo aisle looking for some straightening balm for my hair.  I decided to look at the Pantene products, because that’s what Jason uses on his hair.  Anyway, I would have considered buying it had I been able to read the label.  The main title was large and in Spanish with something like “Straight hair” in small English letters below it.   Those two words were the only English on the bottle!  Anyway, I couldn’t read the directions or anything else on the bottle, so I didn’t buy it.  I will remain “PC” and let you read my mind regarding the rest of the story.  Needless to say, I wasn’t that excited.

I found the greatest shoes at Nordstrom.  I wanted them so badly, but they were $75, so I decided to try eBay.  Well, I found them and won them!  And they’re wonderful, but I got one size too big.  Anyway, I’m looking for someone to buy them.  They are dark brown wedges and are SO comfortable.  They are a size 8.  I will sell them to you for $35.  If you’re interested, please send me a comment on this post.  Check out the pictures of them on the photo gallery.

Every now and then when I’m trying to decide what book to read next I like to go back to one of my all-time favorites – Mere Christianity.  I read in bed, in the tub, working out, when I need a couple minutes break at work.  It’s so hard to put it down!  This man, C.S. Lewis, is a wonderful apologist.  His writing is so clear and concise, though about a most difficult topic.  Have you ever read this book?  If you haven’t, it’s time.

Brutal honesty?  There are definite days when I ask myself if I really believe this whole “God bit.”  My struggle never seems to be whether or not Jesus is God’s Son, or whether or not He hung from a cross, died, and was raised from the dead.  My struggle is whether to believe there is really a God at all.   Sometimes it seems like it’s just a great story.  Have you heard the Caedmon’s Call song, “Prove Me Wrong?”  One verse, talking about the story of God, states that maybe all it is there for is to “harness the young and give some comfort to the old.”   On some of the hard days, I worry that this is true.  Because if there isn’t a God, what the heck’s the purpose of being here?

One thing I recognize about the times when I battle these thoughts is that these are the times I have come to depend on myself and seek many other things apart from God to make me happy.  C.S. Lewis has something to say about this -

“The reason why [man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy] can never succeed is this.  God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine.  A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else.  Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself.  He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on.  There is no other.  That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion.  God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there.  There is no such thing.” (page 54)

Point being: the only true fulfillment is in Him.  Of course I’m discontent and having mind battles when I’m not seeking Him!  In the end, wealth, fame, power, success, popularity, outer appearance, will all pass away.  But what remains is HIM, and though I often fail, my hope is in Him alone.